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Bad Interview Stories From Facebook

This is just a thread on Facebook between Brian Noggle and myself.

It started like this:

Brian:  I was told by the HR department at his first IT job that they'd never seen anyone score a 1 on the psychological profile for friendliness before.

Jim: I applied to Capital One, and didn't get a job. See, they put us in a room and gave us an aptitude test. They said it was okay not to finish the math portion - it wasn't designed to be finished. So of course I did. You don't throw a chal...lenge like that in front of a man and not expect it to be picked up.

Years later, I met the woman who designed the test. I introduced her to my roommate, and they dated. When I told her they didn't hire me, she went back to the records and checked.

She said. Uh, you finished the math section. No one finishes the math section. That's why you weren't hired. Nice hiring process, Capital One!

Years later, I applied to Best Buy. There was no aptitude test, but they did ask if you ever took things home from work like pens or staplers. I was a salesman. Of course I did. It didn't occur to me that it is a bad decision to tell an office retailer you take things home.

They didn't hire me either, but I think it was for totally different reasons.

Brian: I once took a test for a proofreading job. I aced the math portion of the test, getting the best score they'd ever gotten, and I failed the proofreading portion because I edited the proofread copy.

Proofreaders, you see, just compare origin...al copy to edited copy to make sure the corrections appeared correctly.

Jim: That's fantastic. I once interviewed for a job in Florida, but had to drive there without air conditioning. I rolled both windows and the sunroof down, and drive with my back six inches from the back seat.

Upon arriving, I went to the seco...nd floor bathroom, took off my shirt and tshirt, and dried them with the handdryer. When completed, I went back upstairs, and was told there was a position with Enterprise Rent-A-Car, but I would be washing cars in a suit in 100 degree heat.

There was another position with a Gallo distributor. It sounded perfect. I went to the interview, and wowed the first guy. The second guy came in and asked me the same questions. I decided I would answer them differently

He said - you're pretty smart. How many books do you read a month? I was unemployed at the time, so I said, "6." Realizing that this sounded impossible, I begin to describe them in detail. They include Michel Foucault and Francis Fukuyama and Dostoevesky. And a Tom Clancy novel.

After explaining in detail each book, to prove I wasn't lying, he looked at me and said "Clancy. Those are pretty thick books, aren't they?"

I didn't get the job. They said I was too smart. To celebrate not getting the job, I bought a jug of wine that night. And dropped it in the parking lot on the way in - which just goes to prove that I was never meant to have that job.

I'd like to point out that both Brian and I are excellent employees.  At least I am. Then again, I can only speak to the last five years.  Prior to that, you'll have to speak to someone else, and their opinions might vary.